Watching: Marvel’s Cinematic Universe, part 1

A few days ago, Kurt posted a link to my wall about The Nerdist’s guide on how to watch all of Marvel’s universe in order. Naturally, I immediately decided that we needed to rise to the challenge. Since we teach full time in addition to many other job responsibilities, we’re only watching one or two (if it’s a television episode) a night. Just for schlitz and giggles, here’s a running commentary on each. I’ll randomly post them after we’ve watched a few. Obviously, if you’ve never seen the movies…

Spoilers, Sweeties.

5/4/15 – Iron Man

Why did Tony get out of the car? How silly is that, he was explicitly told to stay there…Pepper Potts with the BURN!…I totally forgot Terrence Howard was Rhodey first! I just love Don Cheadle so much, thanks to watching Hotel Rwanda a dozen times when I taught World Geography…Geeze, RDJ is young! He seems to just get finer with age, like a fine wine…Ok, him pulling that long string thing from his nose is DISGUSTING…I forgot all of this beginning stuff with the weapons and the torturing…it’s kind of like Yoda teaching Luke the ways of the Force, all this Yinsen/Stark stuff…I mean, how dumb are the terrorists? He’s not building anything like the picture…I feel like Tony Stark has never worked so hard in his life as he did building the initial suit…How can he even walk in that suit?…So much sadness, so early… “Don’t waste your life”…and with that fall from flying, he’d be dead, so dead…and Rhodey just happens to find him? Uh, coincidence of the century…how long does it take to eat a cheeseburger?…COULSON!!!!…God, Jeff Bridges is such a good bad guy, I mean, this guy is the Dude!!….Obadiah is just so slick, it’s great..I love the banter between Tony and Pepper… “I don’t have anybody…but you”…there’s just something so sinister about the scene when the terrorists find Tony’s mask in the desert…I love when Tony is building his Iron Man outfit, it’s just so fun…Injunction! Lockout! I teach these in Civics! Such a great real world example, ha ha… “Yeah…I can fly”…ooh, the first time only seeing his face when he has the suit on!…that gold suit is so bad ass, it’s like a C-3PO on steroids… “You look great, Hef!” Great line, lol…COULSON!!!!….I love the way he looks at Pepper… “With olives, a lot of olives, at least three olives”…and now we see Obadiah’s true evil self, it’s kind of sexy…I mean, not the innocent deaths, that’s not sexy…but Tony putting on the final Iron Man suit is! Look at it shine! And when that mask goes down and the eyes light up *shivers*…He’s so bad ass, I can’t get over it…I really can’t stop picturing how Don Cheadle would have handled Rhodey…Obadiah just looked at that television like he was going to do bad, bad things to it…ok, Obadiah stopped being sexy, now I feel icky…Pepper could never really quit Tony…Jeff Bridges should be the bad guy in every movie ever…COULSON!!!!… “Well, I’m sorry, I’m not Tony Stark”…Oh, no, he DIDN’T just threaten the life of Pepper! Did you see Tony’s eyes?!…I love that robot arm… “Ooh, wow, what’s that? It’s like a little device, it’s like a thing that’s gonna pick the lock?” Pepper’s just so gosh darn cute…”Keep the sky’s clear.” “Damn.” My sentiments exactly…Yes, because when’s there is chains wiggling and weird metal noises, I always walk directly toward it…and when a giant metal suit is chasing me, I think I’ll just stop and talk on the phone to Tony…Obadiah is like the Iron Giant meets the Hulk…Guess the icing problem wasn’t that big of a deal…when Obadiah opens the suit to talk to Tony, he looks just like a Dalek that’s opened it’s outer armor…You’ll die? C’mon, girl, he’s in at least four more Marvel movies… “Just call us S.H.I.E.L.D.” YUS…TS + PP 4eva…”Truth is, I AM IRON MAN!!!!” God, was that not the best ending to any of the Marvel movies? I just remember the theater whooping and cheering…Nicky Fury! “And I’m here to talk to you about the Avenger Initiative.” IT STARTS.

5/6/15 – The Incredible Hulk

We don’t own TIH, so we had to rent if off of iTunes. I think it’s the one MCU movie that we don’t own. We must remedy that the next time we’re at Best Buy or something…Geeze, it starts really dark, we’ve only seen it once, right before the first Avengers came out…I guess why get in to the how he became the Hulk and more of the aftereffects of him becoming it…I really like Edward Norton, a lot actually. I think he made a good Hulk. But there’s just something so perfect about Mark Ruffalo…Never forget, kids, Brazil was conquered by Portugal and Portugal retained control due to the Treaty of Tordesillas, therefore, they speak Portuguese and not Spanish like most of Central and South America (I definitely taught this in World Geography)…ewww, blood in a drink is just disgusting anyway, not just because it’s Hulk blood…oooh, I love that he sticks up for the woman… “You wouldn’t like me when I’m…hungry” ha ha…Mr. Green, nice…no pricking of the fingers!!! Geeze, ew, I hate stuff like that…and now blood from the arm…Nice Stan Lee cameo, forgot how he was in this one…Poor doggie!!…and pretty woman just happens to live below him, uh huh…he should’ve just stayed in her apartment for awhile…ha ha, guy fell off the roof!…Is it Hulk time? I feel like it’s about to be Hulk time…dude, when they threw the bomb and Hulk was illuminated as a fiery shadow, that was a wicked shot…and then he talks?! “Leave me alone”…wow, he ended up in Guatemala…funny, kid giving tattered Bruce Banner money…Lie to Me, that’s where this dude is from, not that I’ve ever watched that show…husband just asked, “Is that 50 Cent?!” I honestly don’t know…I love that Liv Tyler’s character is never mentioned again after this movie…yeah, Bruce, like she was just gonna sit around, waiting on you…love Lou Ferrigno! I’m glad he got a cameo…Ugh, trying to remember who is Mr. Blue, dare I say who I think?…Liv’s with that guy from Modern Family?! Ugh…I feel like Liv acted that same scene in Armageddon (Ben Affleck/Bruce Willis) and Lord of the Rings (Aragon)…she’s always so breathy, like she just finished running a marathon…those bangs are so 2000-late…yeah, I have no idea what’s happening in this movie, all I really remember is Hulk bests everyone and leaves with his little pulse rate thingy…ewwww, he swallows a flash drive?!…Oh, yeah, let’s lock the guy that turns superhuman and can’t die in a glass enclosure, that’ll work…I love that look the soldiers just gave, “Oh shiiiiiiii-”…Ruh roh, he thinks you’re hurting Liv, now you’re gonna get it… “Is that it? Is that all you got?” HULK KICK TO THE CHEST… “Bruce” she breathily exclaimed, before yielding herself to him completely…oh, NOW you care about your daughter… “I used to wonder why she never talked about you. Now I know!” Oooh, burrrrn…Hulky’s in love, d’awwww…Being a Hulk really seems to take a lot out of a guy…okay, I must admit, the shower water turning into gunshots scared me…Bruce holding up purple stretchy pants to him, classic…yeouch, Hulk is reigning havoc on Bruce’s “ahem” fun time…uh, nope, I have no idea who Mr. Blue is, am I supposed to?…Nice to see Liv actually get mad, that’s probably the best acting of her career, she wasn’t whispering!…Well, Mr. Blue is Tim Blake Nelson, loved him in O Brother, Where Art Thou…Ok, Lie to Me aka Blonsky is getting really freaked up…Watching Ed Norton slowly change and unchange to the Hulk while strapped was pretty cool…Blonsky is jumping up staircases like he’s Toad from X-Men…Gen. Ross is obviously part of Hydra…I love that Blonsky turns into Godzilla…what’s with that creepy smile, Tim Blake Nelson?!… “Give me a REAL fight!”…Liv is a total Betty…mad props if you get that last statement and why I’m giggling right now…I love how Blonskyzilla can talk…and totally bested Hulk in the initial meeting…Hulk using a police car as boxing gloves, niiiice…aren’t they both green?…I’d be puking like crazy on that spinning copter…”HULK…SMASH!!!!”…oh, yeah, Liv, let’s keep Blonskyzilla alive, that’s sure to end well…only a woman can truly tame a Hulk…and where exactly is Blonskyzilla while Bruce is running through fields of glory?…I guess the secret is that he’s always angry…and in walk Tony Stark through a door of light, like the angel he is… “What if I told you we’re putting a team together?” “Who’s we?” Who’s we, indeed!!…I have no issue with this film, in fact, I like it this second time around even more than the first!

5/7/15 – The Consultant [Marvel One Shot]

So this is supposed to be watched before the end credit scene in TIH, oops…WHAT?! Blonsky is a hero?!…why is Tony Stark “The Consultant?”…so Blonsky is known as “The Abomination”…and they managed to cage him? What sort of cage?…so the end credit scene of TIH is simply a shorter scene of this. Weak sauce…at least we now know what happened to Blonskyzilla!…this definitely tied up some loose ends in Hulk…Coulson was really good, I miss him!