After years of trying to conceive, our dream finally came true—we were pregnant! If you’ve read about our journey to conception, you’re aware of the challenges we faced to reach this point. But what I didn’t expect was the emotional and physical toll that pregnancy would take. Surviving prenatal depression became one of the biggest battles of my life. Between relentless morning sickness, anxiety, and moments of hopelessness, I had to find strength not only for myself but for my growing baby. This is the next chapter of our story, where I share the highs and lows of pregnancy and the tools I used to navigate this difficult time.
Pregnancy Announcement: Sharing the News with Family
The moment we had been wishing for during the past five and a half years finally came to fruition – we were pregnant! We could honestly not believe it. I kept thinking that the blood test had to be wrong. I wanted to see for myself that I was pregnant. I bought an at-home pregnancy test and managed to wait until the next morning, July 1, to take it, because first pee contains the highest level of pregnancy hormone hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin). Besides, I wanted to see with my own eyes a pregnancy test that was finally positive, after taking so many throughout the years that were negative. My husband and I did a little photo shoot to document this first step in my pregnancy. Goodness knows we love to document our lives, and I naturally wanted to start a baby book. (I actually have three! Scrapbooking is definitely a guilty pleasure.)
We could not wait to tell people, so we called his parents the day we found out and asked them if they wanted to eat at the Mexican restaurant in Raceland. Our families knew we were doing the IUI, so they were a little suspicious, but kept it cool. We had planned to tell them as soon as we sat down, but as we were coming in, his dad was being called into work, and the waiter was asking us for our drink order, so we waited until a better moment arose and his dad was back. Once the food arrived and we were almost done, my husband asked his sister if a mutual friend had a baby. His sister said yes and joked that the friend’s mom (who was youngish) was now a grandmother, to which my husband replied, “Oh, just like mom.” It took a few seconds before the realization set in, and their eyes lit up and started excitedly squealing. They confessed that they had hoped that was why we wanted to eat dinner, but we were not saying anything, so they figured we did not know anything yet. Surprise!
I also wanted to tell my family in person. Since Independence Day was only a few days away, my littlest sister and her significant other were going to visit my family in Panama City Beach (they live in Orlando). We did not have plans to go to PCB for the 4th of July, but figured this would be the best time to tell them because everyone would be there except my middle sister (who lives outside of Washington, DC). We arrived late on the third because I had an appointment with Audubon Fertility that morning. It was so hard keeping it a secret that evening, but we had planned out a cute way to announce it to them, so we needed to wait until the cookout the next day.
At the cookout, my mom, stepdad, sister, brother-in-law, stepbrothers, stepsister-in-law, and grandparents were all around the big outdoor table under the patio in the backyard. We were all eating, laughing, and enjoying ourselves, and some of us started to finish. Now was the time for the big reveal. I stood up to announce that I brought a king cake for dessert from my favorite place, Antoine’s Bakery. My sister stood up and hugged me because she loves king cake. I then told them that they had to be careful because there was a baby inside the king cake…waited a beat…and then added, “Just like me!” Everyone went silent as what I said sank in. All of a sudden, people started gasping, and my mom jumped up. “Really?!” she asked. That is when I held up a sign that said ’35 weeks until Baby” and held up the paper plates I had brought for the king cake, which said, “B is for Baby.” At that point, my mom started crying, my sister was teary-eyed, and I think a few others were as well (it was a blur with all the well-wishing going on). My mom and sister admitted that they wondered if I was pregnant because they knew about the fertility clinic and wondered if that was why I decided to come into town, but I had not said anything, so they figured they were wrong. Surprise!
Everyone then started telling me that I needed to call my middle sister and let her know. My stepbrother and I devised a plan where I would be on FaceTime with her, and then he would say, “I got the baby!” while eating the king cake. Then, I would turn the camera and say, “No, *I* got the baby!” I called her, and as soon as he said his line and I turned on the camera, the call dropped. Nooo! She called back and said, “I think you were about to tell me something important…” I was! I am pregnant! She started to tear up as well because she knew how long we had been trying, and during that time, she had my niece, who had just turned two. I told my niece that she would have a little cousin to play with by the time she turned three!
Later that evening, I went to my grandparents’ house so I could tell my uncle and aunt since they both had to work earlier in the day. When my aunt walked into the house, she immediately said, “Well, is it a boy, a girl, or a cat?” My family definitely knew something was up! I laughed and told her it was too soon to know. Later, when my uncle came home, he started eating a piece of king cake on the plates I had brought. He had not looked at the plate very closely, so my grandma was hovering over him, repeating, “Look at the plate. Look down! Look at the plate!” In the meantime, my Nannie kept calling my grandma to find out if I said anything. Apparently, we were the talk of the town for the past couple of days! However, it was heartwarming to see and hear that everyone was so excited for us, as they all knew how much we had struggled to reach this point.
Morning Sickness and Prenatal Depression Symptoms
After we went home, I started to feel sick. Morning sickness is not the correct term for feeling unwell during pregnancy, because it occurs at all times, not just in the morning. It is all. Day. Long.., and the official name of it is actually Nausea and Vomiting of Pregnancy (NVP). Eating became a luxury that I could no longer afford. I also became so dizzy that it was hard to get up from the couch without wanting to throw up. I mentioned this at my next appointment, and they prescribed me Diclegis. Diclegis is basically Unisom and B6, and you can take up to four pills a day, which I did. It greatly helped with the dizziness, and I did not feel nauseous all day; however, I still could not eat without throwing up. I lived on White Cheddar Cheeze-Its and, weirdly, Wendy’s Spicy Chicken Sandwiches. Sometimes I would get Wendy’s multiple days in a row, since it was one of the only foods that didn’t make me sick.
In between the sickness, we went to Audubon Fertility every week for an ultrasound until I was eleven weeks pregnant. It was included in our package price of approximately $ 1,200, so we were fortunate to be able to see our baby grow through five weeks of ultrasounds. It was amazing to see our baby transform from an embryo sac to a gummy bear with tiny stubs for arms and legs, and to watch it wiggle around. Right before our last ultrasound, we did a blood test to not only check the baby’s sex, but to check for any genetic abnormalities. Not that we would have loved our baby any less, but we wanted to be prepared with knowledge of how to best care for him or her if there was a genetic abnormality. On August 17, 2017, we received the email with our results. We were, of course, nervous, but blessedly, our baby had no genetic abnormalities detected. Then there was a button to press to reveal our baby’s sex.
Suddenly, we were nervous. Either way, we would be thrilled and have names already picked out for either sex. But did I secretly hope for one sex over the other? We gingerly pressed the button to reveal…IT’S A GIRL! We both teared up in joy. On our last ultrasound with Audubon Fertility, we were able to put a name to the little fig-sized baby inside of me. As we bid them goodbye and expressed our gratitude for everything they had done for us, they handed us a congratulatory bag, which included, among other things, a little onesie with their logo on it. That is one that she wears with pride!
The first week of August marked the start of school again, and we had to return to work. It was incredibly rough. The sickness never abated, and the mornings were the worst. I could not eat, I could not seem to get ready to get to work on time (luckily, first period was my prep, because I am not sure what would have happened if I had a class), I could barely walk around my classroom without getting queasy, and a threw up quite a few times. If I tried talking while walking, I would have to stop and take a break; otherwise, I would get sick.
Many kind people offered mini solutions to help, such as mints, ginger gum, Sprite, and Sea Bands, among others. Although they provided a small respite, nothing worked in the long term. People related to me shared personal stories of how they or their wives were sick but started feeling better around the second trimester. As week fourteen came and went, I kept telling myself that any day now I would start feeling better. Any day now. And week fifteen came and went. Week sixteen. Week seventeen. And there was no relief in sight.
Coping and Surviving Prenatal Depression
By this point, my mental health had slowly been deteriorating. One day, my husband sat me down with tears in his eyes and explained to me that he was very concerned about me. He did some research, and he thought I might have prenatal depression. Prenatal depression? I never knew that was even a thing. I had heard of postpartum depression, but not prenatal. I looked at the symptoms:
- Persistent sadness
- Difficulty concentrating
- Sleeping too little or too much
- Loss of interest in sex
- Loss of interest in activities that you usually enjoy
- Recurring thoughts of death, suicide, or hopelessness
- A sense of dread about everything, including the pregnancy
- Anxiety
- Feelings of guilt or worthlessness
- Change in eating habits
- Feeling emotionally numb
I could check off every. Single. One. Somehow, without me even realizing it, I had slipped into a deep depression. Once I started examining my current situation, I realized just how deeply depressed I was.
Obviously, the change in eating habits and sleep occurred due to being pregnant. But it was the fact that I was almost halfway done with my pregnancy, and I was still unable to eat, that took its toll on me. I was losing weight, not gaining it. If you know me, you know that chicken has been my top food my entire life; however, the thought of eating or even smelling chicken made me sick (except for those Wendy’s Spicy Chicken Sandwiches!). It was mostly crackers and protein shakes. I also suddenly developed insomnia and would walk around in a sleep-deprived haze, in addition to all of the aches and pains that being pregnant comes with (like increased need to pee, trouble breathing, acid reflux, etc.). I could not concentrate to save my life. I would sit behind my desk in class and stare at the wall. My students would ask me if I was okay, and it was like emerging from a fog. In fact, students I taught in previous years who saw me in the hallway would ask my husband if I was alright because I did not seem like myself (and they all knew I was pregnant). I was teacher of the year last school year, and this school year, I cried almost every morning at the thought of going to work. I LOVE being a teacher. It is seriously my calling. It doesn’t stress me out; it actually has the opposite effect. Yet, being at work became a severe source of anxiety (and I do not have discipline problems in my classroom, so that was not an issue). I actually cried so hard at work sometimes, for literally no reason, that I would have to go home.
I had absolutely no interest in anything at all. Other things that usually brought me joy in life, such as crafting, listening to records, playing The Legend of Zelda, reading books, and watching movies, none of those brought me pleasure. I would sit on the couch and either zone out in front of the television or stare out the window for hours on end. Even my husband brought me no comfort. I did not want anyone, including him, to touch me. Once, my grandpa wanted a hug when saying goodbye, and I burst into tears. This was not usual behavior for me.
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, hopelessness…that was pretty much all I felt. I was so physically sick that I could not enjoy the fact that I was finally pregnant. I felt so guilty about that and felt worthless as not just a future mom, but as a woman in general. Why was the number one thing that a woman is supposed to do so hard for me? As a result, I was unable to connect with my baby. This is extremely hard for me to write about or even admit, but I wanted nothing to do with anything baby-related. I did not take bumpie pics, I did not fill in the baby book, I did not fill out a baby registry, I did not even want to talk about me being pregnant. I cringed every time someone asked about my baby. Putting on a fake smile and trying not to cry while talking to people was the hardest thing I have had to do. I do not want to put into words exactly how dark my thoughts got, but it was scary.
Thanks to my husband, I was able to recognize and admit these feelings, and we made an appointment with my OB-GYN. She immediately put me on Wellbutrin, which is a pregnancy-safe antidepressant, and told me that I should consult with a psychiatrist. It was hard to accept that I needed help, but I wanted to make sure that not only was I safe, but, more importantly, so was my little girl.
My psychiatrist recognized the severity of my depression and thought that, for the health and safety of both of us, I should be on not quite bed rest, but away from sources of stress and anxiety at the least, and thus should stay home. It was extremely hard for me to admit that I needed to be at home, because I felt like a complete failure. How does one go from teacher of the year one year to barely functioning within the classroom the next? Without the support of my husband, I am not sure the outcome of this would have been so positive.
Baby Shower Anxiety and Mental Health
In November, I went to Panama City Beach for a week to visit my family. Both of my sisters also came into town. The first few days were great; I think I was on a high from seeing everyone. By Monday night, however, the depression started creeping back in. I could barely look at anyone (my husband had gone back to Louisiana at this point). The next morning, my sisters were leaving, and we were supposed to eat breakfast with my parents and grandparents. I could not go. I could not bring myself to get dressed. I spent the next three days in my mom’s spare bedroom, watching Boy Meets World on Netflix in the dark. When they drove me back to Louisiana and my husband met us in Slidell to pick me up, my mom said that was the first time she had seen me smile since he had left Florida.
Even though the Wellbutrin worked as an antidepressant, it did nothing to stop the anxiety and paranoia. So even though my depression was better, I still could not be around people too much, including family. I tried to go to my work’s Christmas celebration, and the minute I walked into the school, I started panicking and crying. Luckily, I saw one of my friends as soon as I entered, and she sat with me until my husband came to the front. We walked to his office, and I stayed in there until we were fairly sure most people had left. Once again, this was not normal behavior for me. However, I did not want to take any stronger medicine for fear of the possible side effects for my baby.
One of the hardest times was the week of my baby shower. Once the Wellbutrin started working, I began to connect with my pregnancy and was finally able to create a baby registry. Our shower was set for December 30, and my whole family was coming into town for it. Both of my sisters, their husbands, and my niece were staying at my house (which is not huge, but we are a close family and always share our houses when we visit one another). Even though I loved having them there, there were things I could not attend. They visited the aquarium, went out to eat several times, and likely had a few more excursions…but I stayed home. I expended so much energy acting cheery while we were at home that I had no energy or fortitude to go out in public with them. Most of the time when we were at home, I stayed in my recliner playing Candy Crush or some other mindless game. I would be as engaged with my family as I could, but I needed something else to zone out on to calm me down. I think most of them understood to a point, but it is hard for people to really comprehend what it means to have anxiety and depression unless they have gone through it themselves. They still hold you to “normal” expectations, and you can tell them until you are blue in the face, but they will still not understand and can get offended if they perceive you acting differently than normal.
You’re not alone
The Hotline is free, confidential, and available 24/7 in English and Spanish.
Pregnant or just had a baby? The National Maternal Mental Health Hotline is free, confidential, and here to help, 24/7.
1-833-TLC-MAMA
The day of the baby shower was the hardest. I am not comfortable being the center of attention as it is, so to be the extreme center of attention, which the pictures, hugs, well wishes, etc, that go along with baby showers…my anxiety was through the roof. I politely asked if there could be a no-hugging policy, because people touching me made me feel as if my skin was crawling (I’m not a big hugger normally, but that’s not a normal reaction from me!). The pictures were pretty rough; naturally, many people wanted a picture with me (I cannot blame them!), but the smile was pretty forced. I went outside and sat on the porch whenever I felt too overwhelmed.
Luckily, my two best friends growing up were both there too, and they both understood what I was going through, so they would talk to me about other things or just let me calm down for a minute. The best part of the day, surprisingly, was opening up presents for my baby. I think that I was just so grateful and filled with gratitude and appreciation from everyone’s generosity, that it overpowered the feelings of anxiety. Our daughter is extremely fortunate to have so many caring people in her life who love her deeply.
The closer we got to our baby’s due date, the better I felt mentally. The few ultrasounds at the doctor’s appointments showed what looked like a real human now, and I had all of the nursery items thanks to the shower. She seemed real now instead of this abstract idea that was (still!) making me sick.
I spent the next several weeks putting together her furniture, arranging her nursery, washing her clothes, packing my hospital bag, and attending to other baby-related tasks. For the first time since probably July, I was getting excited. I could finally picture her and imagine her in my arms, and I prayed that once she arrived, my hormones would return to normal. Most women who have prenatal depression have it turn into postpartum depression.
Little did I know that my body had one more twist waiting for me…
TL;DR FAQs
How did you find out you were pregnant?
After years of trying, we found out through a blood test after our first IUI procedure. We confirmed it with an at-home pregnancy test, and it was a joyful, surreal moment.
We announced the pregnancy in creative ways:
Husband’s family: A casual dinner where we surprised them with a playful comment.
My family: During a July 4th cookout, using a king cake and custom plates that said, “B is for Baby.”
What symptoms did you experience during pregnancy?
Nausea and Vomiting of Pregnancy (NVP): Constant sickness, not just in the mornings, made eating nearly impossible.
Dizziness: Simple tasks like getting up from the couch were difficult.
Weight Loss: I lost weight instead of gaining due to the inability to eat properly.
What foods could you tolerate during morning sickness?
Oddly enough, I survived on White Cheddar Cheeze-Its and Wendy’s Spicy Chicken Sandwiches, as most other foods made me sick.
What is prenatal depression, and how did you know you had it?
Prenatal depression is emotional distress during pregnancy, not commonly discussed compared to postpartum depression. I experienced:
Persistent sadness
Anxiety
Loss of interest in activities
Feelings of guilt and worthlessness
My husband recognized the symptoms and encouraged me to seek help.
How was prenatal depression treated?
My OB-GYN prescribed Wellbutrin, a pregnancy-safe antidepressant, and recommended reducing stress, which included staying home from work. Therapy and my husband’s support were also crucial.
Even with treatment, I struggled to be around people, including my family. Events like my baby shower were overwhelming, but small moments of gratitude helped me cope.
How did you feel leading up to the baby’s birth?
As the due date approached, I began to feel more positive:
Seeing the baby on ultrasounds helped me bond with her.
Preparing the nursery and organizing her things gave me a sense of excitement.
However, I still dealt with lingering anxiety and physical exhaustion.
What advice would you give to others experiencing prenatal depression?
Acknowledge your feelings: It’s okay to admit you’re struggling.
Seek support: Talk to your partner, doctor, or therapist.
Focus on small wins: Find comfort in moments of joy, like preparing for your baby.
Don’t compare yourself: Everyone’s pregnancy journey is unique.
Where can I read the rest of your story?
This post is part of a series. Continue reading about our journey to conception or the events that followed in birth and postpartum recovery.
Our Journey to Parenthood
The arrival of our daughter was a journey filled with challenges, emotions, and triumphs that we are proud to share together. From our struggles with conception, to surviving prenatal depression, and the preeclampsia and postpartum recovery that followed her birth, each step taught us resilience and strength. We’ve also shared the father’s perspective in supporting pregnancy as a father, highlighting the emotional and practical ways we supported each other. We hope these stories inspire, connect, and provide hope to anyone navigating a similar path.
About The Author
